In 2009 I had a £20,000 woodchipper machine stolen - it was fitted with a "TRACKER" device which was supposedly monitored by the Police (this was the prime reason why I paid £1,500 for it!) Despite the machine being missed almost immediately, it took over an hour for any police to show up - they looked for may be 30mins - couldn't get their receiver gadget to work and gave up. I took the hit as this machine was not insured.

Sometime later I called the Police as I'd seen a machine matching the one I'd lost - it took them FOUR DAYS to telephone me back! Machine was long gone!


 A few years ago my yard was broken into and many valuable machines and tools taken - once the attending police had given me a "crime number" for insurance purposes they lost interest and left.


I almost caught a young thief in the act of taking a hedgetrimmer out of my truck window he'd just smashed but an accomplice threatened to run me over with their getaway vehicle. This lad was caught but only because I knew who he was!!! In fact the police seemed reluctant to do anything because the lad was a gypsy; however; the case did go to court - but without me thus the bit about me being threatened never came to light - and the police kept my trimmer for months without telling me they'd recovered it. On picking it up from Watford police station - it was me who was treated like a criminal!  

Why are you bothering me with this nonsense rather than go find my stolen lawnmower?

"You are easier to find"  This was actually the answer given by a policeman at my door!!!


Last year my wife was disturbed by the sound of a motor mower being rattled down our hillside drive - concerned, she made her way as fast as she could - but at her time of life - this meant that said lawnmower was being loaded into a van by a guy with an Irish accent. He had a middle sized child with him, who he'd probably put over our back gate to unbolt it.


"What are you doing with my husband's mower," asked my wife.  "Ah now, yer Fella has asked me t'do sum mowing fourem." Came the reply. "Oh no he hasn't," was my wife's swift response but what is a small old lady ( sorry dear) going to do to make any man give her goods he's stealing?


Little did she know that other tools were already in this guy's van. She called the police who basically treated her as if she were mentally retarded so the true circumstances of this robbery were not recorded and it remains as a "distraction theft" instead of the crime against the person as it certainly should be. Of course, nothing was done about finding this mower except for me being censured for downloading a photofit off the InterWeb - "that's not for you to do that kind of thing" said policeman Plod "that could interfere with our investigations." I'm still waiting to hear what those investigations might be.


My local police didn't like the sign on the back of my truck (hence the name of this site) - ironically, that picture was taken by a policeman - but one with a bit more common and a sense of humour! (They do exist). Two full sized PC's and two plastic plods took turns in threatening me with legal action if I'd didn't asterisk out some of the letters - that's what they asked - nothing about removing the whole thing just some letters. I thought they were kidding - Gordon Ramsey was on telly every other night F'ing and blinding for all he was worth, kids in my street shout out strings of F words every day and yet these police thought I was causing a Public outrage by writing the word "Bastards"!!" Perhaps, it was rather too near that popular refrain about "All coppers"? Well, these four and their Sgt went some way to prove it.